This is a class/book assignment from A Creative Guide to Exploring Your Life pg. 62. The class is different than what I thought it was going to be but is still turning out to be interesting. It has given me a lesson in adapting my expectations and enjoying the uniqueness of the setting I’m currently in.
I chose this photo for two main reasons. The first being, that in it my gender is not made obvious. This reminded me of how often, especially the further back you go back into my life, I would be mistaken for girl. I could see why after looking back on pictures, home videos, and hearing recordings of myself and family member’s imitations of my high-pitched voice. I believe that subconsciously, this was the part of the reason why as soon I discovered that I could grow a full beard, I decided to keep it the majority of the time.
The second reason was that it is an accurate emotive depiction of my psychological state. Brought to mind being in class during elementary school, the teacher would want to re-establish order, so she would turn off the lights and tell us all “Alright, heads down on desks!” I discovered that I actually enjoyed these little breaks and usually wanted to keep my head down after she had turned the lights back on and was urging us onto the next activity. I liked the physical sensation of having my arms pressed on my eyeballs and then the twinkling lights I would see when I opened them. I also enjoyed the mental sensation of burrowing deep into The Blankness and dwelling there for an unknown amount of time. I have the desire to go back there. I’m now realizing being pulled out of it by someone else an authority figure nonetheless, was/is an important element in the formula.